Regularly scheduled reality

If I knew what I know now, I would've ditched the pill 4 months earlier. But, if I had I'd probably get pregnant straight away, so its a silly train of thought.

I know its nothing really, 80% conceive within the first year, 20% chance each cycle, etc. Though when DH said I might hit my window, just one year later than expected, I wanted to say uncharitable things to him.  Originally I wanted to be a mom before 30. We got to a late start, so I figured if I gave birth while still 30 that would work. That won't happen now.  Hmf.

I just usually have a plan and some action I can take to get where I'd like to go. Not so now.  In fact, maybe changing my routines, my diet, etc. may be doing more harm than good.  Or, maybe none of it matters one way or the other.  Who knows!  I'm just going to forget about it until the 2ww. We BD quite enough so I really have nothing to worry about in the timing department.

The saving grace is I have plenty of other things to occupy my time. Work, preparing for conference, preparing for certification exam, a slew of fall yard work which will likely go undone again this year, Mario Kart Wii, and Twilight. I've been reading it each twilight, and its good thus far. I like fantasy and sci-fi, though I'm a little skeptical of the well-worn theme that has come up.  I'll reserve judgment though. :)

Knock, Knock. Who's there? AF?

AF is showing some serious signs.  I suspect tomorrow will be CD 1. C'est la vie. At least I have another absolutely regular cycle under my belt, and can pick up a bottle of red on my way home from work.

I re-did the math and it looks like I will O right before I travel to the conference for a week.  Whew!  Part of me is really looking forward to the conference, another part feels like I have way too much to do yet!  Luckily it is a 3 day weekend just before the conference.

I've been writing in my journal about why I'm physically/mentally/spiritually worthy of motherhood. I think I'll continue that. DH also suggested that this be a science-free cycle. I'm tempted to take some additional supplements, try mucinex or other EWCM enhancers.  But, I can always do that the cycle after if need be.  I'm going to be rather much too busy to bother with all of the measuring and monitoring anyway.

This cycle would put me delivering in July, which would coincide exactly with my short summer break. I was hoping for earlier, to tack additional time onto my break.  But, in the grand scheme it is still within my "window".

Bad Blogger

BFN on Sunday, and today just for good measure.  That probably explains (but not excuses) the lack of postage...  Either AF will come in a couple of days, or I O'd late and it will come later, or I'm pregnant.  Who knows?! In the mean time, being alive seems to make my nipples sore. 

I'm just trying to feel hopeful and going about my business.  Today was a typical crazy work day, but I think its coming under control. I did enjoy a relaxing weekend that included dinner at Outback. I had bacon-wrapped steak with shrimp and scallops over wild rice with a side of asparagus.  I ate the whole thing. :)  I really like ordering things DH isn't crazy about when we go out to eat, which means both seafood and asparagus.  

Yesterday I watched the awesome Seahawks game. It's about time we get one in the win column! I really enjoyed it, and I didn't know it at the time but during commercials I was working on a project for a coworker who was at the game.

Between eating out and football I've been jonesing for a some sort of fermented beverage. But, if the universe and I are on the same page I won't get to indulge for a loooooooong time.

I ordered a used copy of Twilight. I hope it comes soon, none of my book options here at home are very interesting.

Happy Friday!

I wish a wonderful weekend to whomever wanders by.

I'm still having the abdominal twinge IPS, with some bloating for good measure. Yesterday the nipple sensitivity started in. Now I'm doubting and wondering if maybe I didn't just O late because the nips always complain right after O. 

But, I didn't use more OPKs and I am not temping. So, who knows!

I will still test on Sunday, but my mindset has become a bit more cautious.

6DPO IPS

My way too early IPS at this time include:

1.  NO nipple sensitivity after O.  That is a first for me.

2.  Exhaustion despite decent sleeping habits.

3.  Pinching / Twinging sensations in my lower left abdominal area.

I was going to wait to post until 7DPO and call it the 1WW.  But, I'm just too hopeful to contain myself at this time. Could it be?  Yes, it must be. Because I said so.

If I can keep together some grain of sanity, I'll wait until Sunday to test.

Tonight, I'm going to bed early. ZzzZZzZzzzz

2WW

Word has gotten around that we are trying. There is an ongoing joke at work about how my boss is slipping birth control into the water. When asked, I've been saying, "I have no news on that subject."

Just today, the dreaded event happened. I received TTC advice from my mother (disguised as innocently passing along info from my aunt).  "A well-worn path grows no grass." Thanks. I reminded her gently that the internet provides all of the info I could possibly need on the subject and more. Besides, we abstained for 3 days before the positive OPK, and even under fatigue I think DH has enough swimmers to do the job.  It's all up to me.  My mom also tried to mention ovulation predictors. I said I was aware of them. 

In truth I don't really mind all that much. What I mind far more is waiting. I guess I can enjoy stringing everyone along in the mean time.  I *think* I had a positive OPK on Thursday and I had plenty of wet CF yesterday if I'm not mistaken. So, the wait begins.

I really really hope this is the cycle, because I might miss O next cycle due to a conference I'm going to for work.

Can Has Swimmers?

I saw them, with my own eyes (well, one eye at a time anyway). The scope is pretty cool, I don't regret buying it.  Since there were obvious active swimmers I didn't bother doing the full million/ml estimation, but it allows for it.  There is a grid on the lense that helps in counting.  My rough guestimate is about half of average, but that is with mucho fatigue.  So, I'm not all that concerned.

It was pretty interesting to watch them, and their personalities.  Some fast, some slow, some hyper, a few dead, a few simming in circles, and one with two heads (don't want that one).  A handful were still alive after a day, but no more.

The more I learn about human reproduction, the more etherial, mystical, and surreal it seems. How did *that* become the means of reproducing?  Its like a whole other micro society with its own rules its own motivations, and its own (exceedingly limited) lives and perspectives.  What makes them swim one way vs another? How do they know the egg when they see it? How many trillions have died without even getting close?

Thursday is O day, but I'm going to use an OPK tomorrow just in case.

Getting pregnant this cycle would be neat for the following rather trivial reason: I could stuff a pillow in my pants for halloween and call it good. I would be able to tell the whole office I'm pregnant with a single gesture. The more I think about it, the less hope I have of keeping a secret for 12 weeks.  Someone would catch me hurling in the bathroom and it would be all over.

I bought it...

I bought a (relatively) inexpensive semen analysis microscope. While I have no clear and present reason to think there's anything wrong with DH's swimmers, I'm a proactive kind of person.  I thrive on information.  I started four months ago by charting before we even started trying, to get a feel for my cycles sans the pill. Since everything seems okay with my cycles and ovulation (a little light on the CM, supplementing with preseed), the next step is the swimmers. I'm just feeling everything out, starting with the least invasive measures.

DH is a firm proponent of daily "activities", and we would like to know, for sure, if frequency is hurting our chances or not.  If the swimmers aren't where/how we would like them to be, we'd like to have an easy way to tell if lifestyle changes are having an impact (I realize some lifestyle changes can take months to produce results).  

I firmly believe in the ability to impact one's own reproductive health through lifestyle choices.  Of course, there are biological conditions to which this does not apply. Also, it can be taken to extremes and lead a person down the merry path to insanity.  That said, I think modern medicine thrives on pills and procedures while giving short shrift to lifestyle. Lifestyle is way cheaper than modern medicine (especially on our insurance), so if we need any help I figure we'll cover those bases first. 

There, now I feel firmly justified in my purchase. :)

I'm feeling positive about CD3 thus far.  I'm actually trying to pay attention to a part of my body I've spent the last 10 years oppressing.  It feels good.