CD 27 11 DPO

DH wouldn't let me have a sip of his beer last night. :( He's a good hubby, he said he'd stop drinking them in front of me and said I shouldn't buy any more.

Its been an oven around here lately. All I feel like doing is sitting around and waiting... Will I get this worked up every cycle? There's a more than even chance I'm not pregnant by my way of thinking. We weren't even trying after all. If I get this wound up over waiting on a slim chance, how am I going to be when we've made all of the appropriate efforts???

That said, maybe I'll never know the answer to that because... I COULD be... right now... The cells could be dividing, the placenta could be forming the (hCG). Or, I could be avoiding a nice frosty brew for no good reason whatsoever.

Come on Mr. Postman, bring me some sticks!

Did I mention its hot? Like, flirting with triple digits here. We don't have air conditioning either in house or car. If this keeps up I may just sleep until tomorrow. There were no sticks in the mail this morning, so today is mostly over with IMO.

IPS IPS IPS

They always tell young girls that the pull-out method is *not* a wise, effective, or reliable means of birth control. Well, I may just be living proof. I have a suspicious temperature dip accompanied by cramps and spotting followed by a major temp hike. Could it be???

I bought 5 early tests just to be sure. I just know I'm getting my hopes up like crazy on a subconscious level... But, consciously, the following two outcomes seem equally likely:

1. Aunt flow and alcohol binge! :D
2. BFP :D

I think I can make my peace with either one. I have been making peace with each of them alternately ALL DAY LONG. Just when I think I've settled on one, my beloved personal devil's advocate (also known as DH) tells me exactly WHY I cannot possibly be pregnant... or not...

I can't get my mind off of it, and going to a family reunion which will be full of pointed questions won't help matters. If asked when we're having kids, I'll say we're working on it. If asked if I'm pregnant, I'll say we're working on it. I really wish I could drink at the family reunion...

Alas, CD 23 7 DPO. WAY to early for my cheap expired pregnancy test purchased when I was late years and years ago. I'll POAS when my early test sticks arrive next week. Until then, the pendulum shall swing!

CD 21 5 DPO

CD 21, 5 DPO... I told DH this the other day and he cracked up laughing. We both knew why instantly. You see, I have turned into a StarWars android!!!

However, even that serial number is sketchy. I had a big temp drop yesterday (though DH says it was colder that night). FF temporarily took away my ovulation day. But, my temp is back up today and my crosshairs are back in business. It still thinks I O'd on CD16. I can only guess what tomorrow's temperature will be! Its like uncovering a scratch ticket, only I just lay there and wait for the beeps.

Today I found out I may get to travel for work in October. If all goes well, that would be 2nd trimester, perfect timing. It is a superb professional development opportunity, both a conference and an exam I can take for certification. It has been about three years since I traveled. In my lifetime I've been on 3 plane trips for work, and 2 for pleasure. It is always kinda surreal, but I enjoy the change of scenery. Maybe I enjoy coming home most of all though.

Another nonsensical reason why I'd like to be PG soon... a baby outlet 2nd hand store opened down the street. I want to be able to shop there before it goes out of business. :)

I'm going to make a serious effort to post more often. I'm enjoying it more and more as we actually begin the process of TTC. This is opposed to me reading about it constantly, learning everything about infertility (because, I like to be prepared) and seeking out libraries of birth stories to entertain me.

The Big Three-Oh

Today I turn 30... Even now my fingers hit the number 2 first and I had to correct myself. It seems strange to me, becoming an age I once considered "old". But, there is no denial, no teeth gnashing. Its just a number that I will probably have to remind myself of several times in the coming months before it sticks.

That said, it is of course a decade of significance for trying to conceive. I always told DH I wanted to be a mom before 30. Well, I'm not a mom yet, but I'm in the process of trying (charting, to get a handle on my next cycle). So, I'm happy with that. Life circumstances nudged things back a year, I wanted to finish my AA, I wanted to be secure in my job. I really hope I'm actually a parent before 31 though. Its all up to the biology now.

Speaking of.. Fertility Friend thinks I ovulated on CD16, and I think it was earlier. My CM isn't neatly matching up with my temperature rise. So, I'm not sure what to think about that. I hope I have a good luteal phase though. So, I am officially CD 19, 3 DPO and waiting for AF, but hoping she doesn't show too soon.

We now have both boy and girl names picked out, but no, I'm not sharing! DH picked out the boy name, and I really love his choice. It is our perfect comination of unusual, significant, but easy to spell and easy to pronounce. The fact that the names are unusual leads me to want to keep them sekrit. Some people may not approve. But, once the baby is born and named there's nothing anyone can do about it. :)

I've been celebrating my BD a bit all weekend. Yesterday we went to my parents' for BBQ. Mom gave me just what I asked for, a B&N certificate. What I spend it on depends on how tough of a time we have TTC. :) We are supposed to go out to breakfast this morning, and my brother is going to visit later today. I had best drag DH out of bed so we can get ready for eating! At breakfast, I'm going to be a good girl and skip the coffee. I think I'll go for OJ instead.

Poor Me, CD17 hello O???

This is my poor me post. I know there are millions worse off than I am, and that is why we have Blogger, so we can each go post our own poor me posts. This one is mine.

I have been lightheaded ever since ~2pm. I came home early, read some net, and pretty much laid down and read a book. I don't know what's up with me. Its like I'm drugged, except I know I'm not. I feel heavy and tired and occasionally nauseous. I don't think my blood sugar has been low... but its probably getting down there now. I need to eat dinner. But, that nauseous thing is getting in the way. If it wasn't for feeling nauseous I'd just think I was sleep deprived.

Part of me is wondering if I don't have IPS (I learned a new acronym from the TTC blogs... imaginary pregnancy symptoms). While we have BD most nights, we also haven't, because we've been PnP. So, I'd be shocked. Also, I've been charting for over two weeks now, and while I've had a temp drop and some CM to report (not much) I'm still clueless. No upward temp shift yet... so I doubt I've ovulated... but the temp drop seems to be over.

Over the past few weeks I've felt SOOOO impatient. I'm probably getting snippy with DH. I just want the days to PASS. I look forward to a few things each day: temping in the morning, charting after work, taking my prenatal vitamin at night. Everything else is just going through the motions.

Right now though, I'm not even really impatient. I'm just tired and out of it and blah... I guess I'll go find something edible for dinner (if such a thing exists) and call it a night.

Wishy Washy

Warning: two glasses of wine were consumed prior to writing this post. Because, like, red wine drinkers get pregnant faster than people who drink other types of alcohol or nothing at all. Did you know that? Also, this post was written without my glasses. So my editing is sporadic at best.

So, DH wants to start trying like, nowish. Like, whenever I ovulate is great. Wow. I had it all in my head that we'd wait until after the standard OB/GYN recommmended one cycle after going off the pill. But, in some ways, I'm just as impatient as DH to get a move on. On the other hand, in terms of work April would be a much better month to give birth than march. On the other other hand, who is to say that we won't have a heap of trouble getting pregnant so we should start ASAP???

See, I'm all confused now so I'm just going to go with the flow. This means throwing my internal planner out the window and letting the BFPs fall where they may (or not). There always is the or not to consider.....

CD5

Tonight I will be officially off the pill! As soon as I quit spotting, it will be time to check CM ~3 times daily. I really hope I get some information. Temping is only good in retrospect, it will be CM that tells me when the right time is!

I'm on a forum where another woman had come off Seasonale and her cycles went right back to normal. So, I really hope that will be me too! If our first two cycles of trying do not bear fruit, then I'm going to go into intervention mode. Intervention mode includes some of the following:

Me
Acupuncture
Vitrex/Chasteberry
Read The Infertility Cure
Buy an OPK

DH
Boxers
Home semen analysis

I looked at kits once that came with their own microscope and lessons on how to interpret sperm count and motility. I think we'd love to do it this way for several reasons... I've heard sperm quantity/quality can vary widely based on many factors so this would prevent repeat visits to a clinic. Second, DH would not enjoy the clinical environment (who does?). Third, our insurance wouldn't cover it anyway. Fourth, it would be really cool to have a powerful microscope at home. :)

That said, I hope we don't need to do any of those things! It still seems like a 50/50 chance to me. Either we conceive by Fall or not. Only time will tell. Today I'm going to go out and do major yard work to distract myself from the waiting game.

CD3

Hosting AF and dragging my bum all week. But, this time of the month is different from all those that have come before it. I'm taking my temp on waking every morning. :) I'm armed with TCOYF, a BBT, a notepad near the bed, and a free FF account to chart in. I write down my temp each morning and look forward to entering it in FF on returning home from work. So far, it has been very easy to remember to take my temperature. But, I never have had a difficult time making a new habit if it leads me to my goals.

It still doesn't feel like I've quit the pill. Mostly, I would be taking placebos for a week anyway before starting a new cycle. When AF is gone, then I will start to feel more like it. Charting CM will be a new experience to say the least... Will I ovulate? What is my cycle like, au naturale, after so many years of hormonal intervention? This is the biggest piece of drama going on in my life right now. Either my day-to-day existence is utterly boring, or I am thoroughly obsessed.

Speaking of which, I've decided to break my no alcohol before TTC restriction. I read an article suggesting that women who drink wine get pregnant faster. I was, of course, skeptical. So, I looked up the abstract from the study to check the details. It seems totally legitimate. While only fools assume causality, the mere fact that the alcohol drinkers didn't have a *more* difficult time getting pregnant suggests to me that I can get away with imbibing while we wait with no ill effects.

Mmmm, merlot. I hope you enjoyed your Friday too. ;)

Endocrine Symphony

I have taken my last birth control pill. I'm excited and nervous for the future. I have it all planned out, I know the notes I will play, I have rehearsed it all in my head a thousand times. But, it is my body that will be conducting this orchestra, and I have no choice but to follow its lead.

I'm especially nervous that being on an extended cycle pill (Seasonale, now the generic version) for the past ~4ish years will mean it takes longer for my body's own hormones to figure themselves out. I can expect my usual pseudo-period breakthrough bleeding to begin Tuesday/Wednesday. But after that, my expectations are meaningless.

The big milestone and my first sigh of relief will come when the real AF shows herself for the first time in ~10 years. We will not be *trying* in the physical sense until my next cycle, my first real contraceptive-free cycle. But WHEN will that be? If I think WAAAY back in time, in high school, I think I was pretty regular. But, then again, I didn't really pay much attention.

I am on the edge of my seat, and as each day passes this month I'm going to be even more hopeful/excited/anxious/etc. I know most women probably don't get this worked up or analytical about TTC the first time. Most follow the classic two step method, pull the goalie and let the pucks fly! Only after several months of no results do they get concerned and start searching for info. I, on the other hand, read TCOYF about a year ago... when I learned our financial situation was such that we could start trying next year.

I've been awash in information ever since. I'm not sure if its been a blessing or a curse... but this is me.