5w3d

Just for kicks, I POAS this morning using a test that expired in 2005.  I'd picked it up when AF was late once ages ago, but didn't end up needing it.  It seemed to work just fine for being 4 years expired - the line was immediate and dark.  So, now you know.

I survived another pregnant-incognito week at work with no one the wiser. Though I was a little pale Monday and people kept asking me how I felt.  "I feel fine!" I would say, exasperated. I really did feel fine, though I should have had breakfast earlier.  The questions were gone the next day, when I was seen running down the hall as usual (thankfully we don't work in a school building or I'd be in trouble).  My boss's office is about as far as you can get from mine, on the other end of a long boring corridor.  So, I jog it.  I always have. :)

I have told one additional person - my yoga instructor.  I'm thinking about switching to a prenatal yoga class when this class ends at the end of Feb.  

My brother let me off the hook easy for his Superbowl party tomorrow. He called to ask how much DH and I will be drinking, seeing as how I work early Monday. :)  So, I'm the driver.  Its just as well, I was quite the lush on New Year's Eve.  Its time for DH to start drinking for three.  :p

Though a visit from Cousin Candi would be awesome for real, I will probably just claim errands for my appointment on the 9th. I have 3 hours of comp time, easy.  So, if I want to jet early one day I'll be totally allowed.

One of the ways I might tell my mother... there's a little story behind this.  I think it was three years ago on Mother's day, I went over to my mom's house to bring her flowers and love. She said she had something for me too. 

She pulled a blue denim-like shirt out of a bag and said, "I saw this and thought of you."  

I took the shirt, the letter M catching my eye on the tag.  "MOM!" I said, accusingly, "This is maternity!"  

"What?" she said, all innocent taking the shirt back to examine it for herself. "Oh, I had no idea!  I just thought it looked like you.  I guess I'll just hang on to it then."  

DH never believed that it was an innocent mistake. I still haven't made up my mind...  At some point though, I'm just going to tell her she has something of mine and I want it back.  Then we'll see if she can figure it out. :p

Jar Smuggler

Thank you all for the kind congrats and SBVs! Your support and excitement means a lot to me. :)

Every time I start taking this BFP for granted and making big plans, scary words pop into my head, or a random and brief pain comes to my attention - the kind I would have brushed off in the past.  Then, I assure myself that everything is probably just fine, but I really am better off taking things one day at a time for now. 

I'm feeling good, but tired. I haven't been sleeping well partly due to nightly flatulence. I'm damn lucky DH is a heavy sleeper LOL. Though some peppermint tea before bed last night really helped. I slept quite well, with no "interruptions". My BBs are on the sore and swolen side, according to DH, "They're new! :D"  No other symptoms.

The last bit of news for the day: I made my first Dr Appt!  Alas, it is two weeks away on the 9th in the early afternoon.  Apparently my first appointment is with a nurse, not my OB :(  . They also asked me to bring in some FMU. I have a ton of empty jars, so that won't be a problem. Though I never thought I'd be bringing something like that to work with me. A brown paper bag in the car seems like a good place for it to stay.  

So, now I have two weeks to decide what to tell my boss and coworkers. "Doctor's Appointment" is way too suspicious for someone with no health problems, who seldom gets sick, who has been openly trying for months. It IS my sister in law's birthday...  a last-minute shopping excuse could work, and I could take the second half of the day off and do just that.  I'm owed the hours.   *ponders*  

Post-Conceived Notion

The BFP details:

I tested a week earlier than I had planned, last Sunday. I wouldn't have tested, except DH knew I was in limbo and he asked as we woke up Sunday morning, “Are you going to test?”. So, I did, and DH read the results for me, a faint but obvious BFP! I was being quiet about it online, waiting to be more sure, and received my positive on the digital yesterday.  Though there was no fooling Mrs. Spit, and I thank her for her thoughts and prayers. I am still pregnant.  

My first hope is for a sticky healthy full term pregnancy! I've never ever ever been here before. I've wanted to be here pretty much my entire life. I just hope all goes well. Once it sinks in, I know I will feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and all that must be done.  Not only do I have a junk room to transform into a nursery, but a job that no one can take over.  Both things require preparation.

I'm happy about many things right now. I have a new way to reconnect with some old friends, one who will be having a baby in March. But, I am going to wait as long as I can (I doubt I'll make it to 12 weeks) to tell my family and coworkers. I will tell everyone just before the rumor mill picks up speed. 

At work last week I kept expecting everyone to just know, or expecting me to give it away somehow. But, I didn't. Most coworkers know we're trying. Thankfully no one asked for an update as I'm a terrible liar.  If asked maybe I'll just say, "I wish" as in, "I wish I could tell you."  Then it will only be a lie of ommission. :)

I also felt guilty when talking with my mom on the phone.  But, if I tell my family it will make it back to my work place within a matter of days. I could ask them to keep it quiet, but I think it would be more fun if everyone knew and no one had to exercise restraint. This will be the first grandbaby on both sides of the family. Since we've been married for 9 years, everyone (but me and possibly my mother) has been surprisingly patient.

Besides, I want to think of a fun way to tell everyone.  I was looking at some of the pregnancy shirts on Cafe Press, they are pretty funny.  Ideally I'd put the ultrasound pic on a T shirt, but I don't think I can wait that long.  I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow.  At my preconception appointment he said not to be in a hurry to call after getting a BFP, so I doubt they do early scans for "routine" pregnancies.

Last but NOT least... lucky number 7. A month ago I would've told you it was a long and torturous journey. But, rationally I know seven months is not very long to try. Thank you (yes you) for your support and commiseration. I am NOT more deserving or more ready than any one of you. If I had my way, each and every one of us would begin the journey to parenthood exactly when we are committed to being parents, and not a moment later. You have every right to whatever you feel when people out in this blog world announce their BFPs!

Of course this means my blog will change from a TTC blog to a whiny pregnancy blog. In the past, I have heard people complain about problems I only wish I had, and I'm afraid I'm destined to commit that sin myself. It also means this blog title is a bit outdated.  I've liked it very much but it is time for a change. Maybe something along the lines of "Oven at Work". What do you think?

Whatever the case, I will continue to read your stories, follow your journeys, and offer my support so long as you want it. I hope I can still be your blogfriend from this side of the BFP line and that you can cross over and join me soon!

Honest Scrap - Coming Clean Edition

Ophelia tagged me with the Honest Scrap award.  Yayness!  She's the most energetic unapologetic blogger evAr, a spirit to be admired. 

So, I'm supposed to tag other blogs superior in content or design. I've seen this pop up many times though, and I can't remember who has been tagged already.  So, chances are if I read your blog it IS superior in content or design so consider yourself tagged. :)

Next, I'm to list 10 honest things about myself.  Without further ado...

1. I have my boss save our coffee grounds at work.  I don't even drink the nasty black stuff at work, but I take the grounds home for my compost pile.  Only, sometimes I accidently leave them in the car and it makes it smell like nasty old coffee grounds...  

2.  DH and I play Mario Kart Wii almost every day after work. We play multiplayer, I play for points and DH is my wingman because the guest can't get points anyway.  So, I try to come in first and he tries to mess up everyone else.  His Mii is named Bottom, and it looks like a sideways derrier. We have developed a shorthand language to share info about the track, example: if I fire a green shell backwards and DH is back there I'll warn him by saying, "green back!".  We rock (usually).

3.  I am a half-assed consumer of organic/green foods and products. I would love to buy the organic free-range chickens all the time.  One, because they are less likely to have issues that come from industrial cost-cutting production.  Two, because the chickens had a better life that way.  Three, because its easier on the environment to raise them that way. However, due to my very humble frugal upbringing I have a hard time buying a bird for $4 per pound when I could buy one for 69 cents a pound.  However, if nothing is on sale, I will try to go the organic route even though it costs more.  It doesn't make much sense, but there you go.

4. We have no Whole Foods or Trader Joe's here. Our organic options are limited and therefore even more expensive.  We have a co-op, and a natural foods store, and the seasonal Farmer's Market.  That's it.  I am so sad when our Farmer's Market closes each Fall.  I buy a huge pint of local honey each fall to tide me over until spring.

5. I try to eat 2 out of 3 vegetarian meals each day.  Sometimes I succeed at 3/3 but that is rare because DH is a convicted carnivore.  Not only that, he prefers beef (could eat it daily) and doesn't like fish at all.

6.  I still haven't read China Study, but I will dangnabit.  In fact, maybe I'll read that next as I'm almost done with Eclipse.  I like to alternate fiction and non fiction.

7.  Deep down I'm afraid I'm just a hack, a big fish in a tiny pond.  Here I am setting up imaging systems, web sites, and databases and state reporting compliance for our department of ~400 people with no formal training on the subject.  Everyone heaps praise on me for my work, but sometimes I feel as though its only because they have never met a "real" IT person.  

8.  To compensate for the above, I read books, journals, blogs, and do tons of self-study.  I'm also going to seek out some database certifications.  I just don't have time for a bachelor's degree...  If there was such a thing, I'd have a doctorate from Google University.  :p

9.  I really wish someone else in blogland would jump out and say the same thing I'm going to say for number 10, so I wouldn't be alone...  so I wouldn't be the only traitor.  If you know of any other traitors I'd be happy to read their blogs. I hope none of my home/work/family reads this blog because they don't know.  

10.  It is time to come clean...  I've known for 7 days....   But, a geek like myself can't do anything without digital confirmation.

I

am

Brief update

The spotting has stopped. :) The HPTs I ordered are not here yet.  I have a busy week coming up with it being a short work week and yolates class Tuesday and Thursday, and DH needs to pick up his glasses soon. So, I may be a little quiet until next weekend.

Take care and have a good week blogfriends!

Welcome to Limbo

Here I am again, the same position I was in last month.  This is day 3 of very light spotting. Last cycle I had 3 such spotting days before AF finally showed. So, I'm guessing today or tomorrow, but until then I'm in limbo. I'm also confusing myself by finding stories online about women spotting around the time of getting their BFP.  I don't think implantation spotting would have lasted this long.  

My hope is holding out mostly because of the dream I had last night... I was sitting in the back of a car with my baby in the car seat next to me. Later I was holding her, but the baby didn't want to breastfeed because DH had always been taking care of her. Yes, it was a girl. Yes, DH plans to stay home with our someday future baby.

Simultaneously, I'm preparing for next cycle. I bought some internet cheapy OPKs and HPTs.  If AF isn't here in force by the time they arrive I will use one of the HPTs.  When I'm out shopping today I'm going to get some B complex (my LP has always been borderline) and some EPO because I seldom witness EWCM.  If I spend money on stuff for next cycle, murphy's law will be in my favor, right?

Anyway, either I'm pregnant or I have a plan for cycle #8.   So, my spirits are good, thanks for all of the support!

Don't want her kind around here...

I encountered some spotting today...  CD28, either 8DPO (implantation?) or 11DPO (AF?).  I'm glumly assuming the latter.  When it happened at work earlier today it put a serious damper on my mood.

I'm trying to consume a bunch of B6 foods and vitamins just in case... but I don't have a lot of hope. I only have more expensive tests, so I don't want to use any of them. I assume a couple of days will confirm my decision.

On the bright side, shoving my face full of good things is having an impact on my raging headache.  It started a couple-three hours ago, and I think it will drive me to bed early.  Tis just as well, I've been staying up too late.

I think I'll read a bit of my organic gardening magazine before bedtime. 

Tomorrow: TGIF!

Reality Flexed

The class wasn't canceled.  Now that I've gotten over the omg neverdonethis neverbeenthere neverseenthesepeople angst I'm quite glad.

As it turns out, my pilates book and my Wii Fit Yoga training DID provide some level of familiarity with The Real Thing.  Though, unfortunately I hadn't practiced either recently enough.   So, tomorrow, my arms and abs will be angreeeee. Usually the class meets every Tue and Thu, but not the 3rd Thursday of the month because a different group has the venue.  I'm glad we won't be meeting in 2 days, it will give me time to recover.  Though I might fire up the Wii Fit again.

The instructor seems nice and knowledgeable and gives us plenty of options.  "You can stay here if you like, or you can go HERE" (insert human pretzel).  No, I'm not going to go there.

Alas, I don't think I will ever touch my toes, or come close to a proper downward facing dog.  This time it has nothing to do with my neighbors...  It's all about my FREAKISHLY long thighs.  They are so long I can cross my legs, then cross behind my calves, then wrap my foot around the front again.  While it's a great party trick...  and I thank my father for the awesome metabolism...  the thighs? Not so much.  

But there are far worse things and I am happy with my first forced (becuase I'm paying for it) fitness adventure. Maybe next time I'll show up a bit early and socialize more.

Less of thought

I'm seeing IPS around every corner of this  supposed (because I can't be sure if/when I O'd) 2ww.  But, I'm not supposed to be thinking about that.  

I'm not supposed to be thinking about 4-legged creatures next door that shall remain nameless either. I've spent a full year's worth of synaptic firing on them in the past 3 days. 

I am allowed to be thinking about why the yoga/pilates instructor hasn't emailed us yet to let us know if class is still on tomorrow - the class needs 3 more or it will be canceled.  It would be my first ever group exercise class since... home/fitness in high school. I still haven't decided if I'm hoping for the class to be canceled (yay, I get to avoid unfamiliar people and possibly uncomfortable new experiences) or not (boo, I don't get to meet new people or challenge myself).

Ultimately, I think I shall read the trashy romance novel (I say that with some degree of affection - I read them frequently in high school) leant to me by a coworker. It's called Bittersweet.

I did finally buy Twilight book 3, now that the hype phase has died down.  When it arrives later this week I will be able to continue the series in peace. ;)

A little red sin...

I feel no guilt or shame, despite being in the 2ww. You see, I was being good,  bringing in groceries.  DH was napping.  On my second trip in from the car the neighbor's pit bull jumped over their porch wall into our yard and charged me.

I flew at warp speed into the house and slammed the door behind me. I got a picture of the dog through the front door window. I called animal control (they never came, maybe Monday...). I had a civil chat with neighbor man (who still doesn't seem to recognize the severity of the problem).  I talked DH down from doing anything extreme. I wrote it all down. Then I paced and DH/I kvetched for an hour or so.

You see, I needed something to calm my nerves. It was a very small glass of merlot.  I only bought it because DH likes it in the stew.  Please do not report me to CPS.  I swear, if I am ever so fortunate as to be graced with a BFP it will not happen again.

Becoming

It is a dark and quiet time.  I've had many days off due to weather, and thus little routine. I have done a few valuable things...  I reread my NaNoWriMo 2005 "book" with intentions of completing it.  I have put many neurons into garden planning (I ordered my seeds!). I have signed up for some physical activity.  I even got some work done today.

I have been partly successful in not being obsessed with TTC. At least today I was able to recognize when my thoughts were headed that direction, and erect a hasty mental diversion. 

It seems odd that I will have one day of work tomorrow followed by a weekend.

What I'm not thinking about

On 12/31 I had some major *gasp and hang on to something* pains in the general vicinity of my right ovary as we were driving to my brother's house to celebrate the new year.

TMI: ....  Later in the evening I noticed brownish spotting.  It hasn't happened since.  That would have been CD13, but my past O dates have been in the 16-20 range. Since it is rather confusing, I'm going to file this event way back in the deep dark recesses of my mind.  The only reason I haven't posted about it already is because I didn't want to focus on it.

As for the new year: my DH played designated driver, and my dear brother played bartender, and I bonded with my SIL's mother.  I drank plenty of water and tea upon returning home, and I suffered not at all for the adventure.  

I hope everyone had a lovely New Year.  From here, 2009 is nothing but wide-open possibility.  :)

P.S.  I finished updating my seed spreadsheet if anyone is interested.  The link is in my prior post.  54 varieties, 10 of them just so happen to be tomatoes!