It looks like there will be no beginner's luck for me. I did get a fortune cookie a week ago that said "Next month is your time to make headway, so move quickly." It must be a sign, not that I take much stock in signs. Though I do like horoscopes and fortune cookies in hindsight as thoughtpieces.
So today I'm feeling partly crampy and wholly unmotivated. AF hasn't shown in force yet, but there have been signs. This is not a good time to work on anything serious, so I put in my replacement power supply, cleaned up my computer desktop, and may just spend some quality time with CivIV. If that isn't fulfilling enough I'll pop in Sims Pets and goof off that way.
Yes, I'm having a pixelated pity party.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
DH, the POAS Pusher
I exercised my patience muscles by not testing this morning. DH was encouraging me to test though. :p He's so cute, he makes it sound like he wants me to test because he knows /I/ want to, because maybe the test wasn't accurate, because the tests are cheap, because *insert excuse here*.
I'm wise to him though. He is excited, anticipatory, and impatient too. He's just being too guyish to admit it. When he came to bed after I used the bathroom this morning (yes, he goes to bed at an obscene hour sometimes) he sounded disappointed that I didn't test.
If I'm not careful the peer pressure will drive me to it.
I'm wise to him though. He is excited, anticipatory, and impatient too. He's just being too guyish to admit it. When he came to bed after I used the bathroom this morning (yes, he goes to bed at an obscene hour sometimes) he sounded disappointed that I didn't test.
If I'm not careful the peer pressure will drive me to it.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Concentrate and try again
BFN this morning at 10 DPO. I think. There is a very faint second line, but it isn't where it should be. It's about 1/8 of an inch to the left of where I would expect it, under the label where the absorbent part ends and the test part begins. They are cheapie internet strips... I don't know if that means anything, but I'm sticking with the BFN hypothesis for now.
I'll test again Tuesday morning. 10 DPO is way early anyway, but I was thinking maybe I'd get lucky. :) Of course, AF is expected on Tuesday. I have heard of some people testing negative until 16 DPO... I'd really rather not be in the "AF is late but I'm still testing negative!" category, but I'll take it if it ends in a BFP.
Symptoms? I am feeling a little hot and dizzy. Though we did just work out the yard for a while, so who knows. DH was repairing a fencepost, I took the extra concrete and attempted to make a leaf-shaped birdbath. We'll see if it works...
I have had a corned beef in the crock pot all day, and the house smells of yum. I think I'm going to relax and play some Brain Age or Sudoku before dinner.
I'll test again Tuesday morning. 10 DPO is way early anyway, but I was thinking maybe I'd get lucky. :) Of course, AF is expected on Tuesday. I have heard of some people testing negative until 16 DPO... I'd really rather not be in the "AF is late but I'm still testing negative!" category, but I'll take it if it ends in a BFP.
Symptoms? I am feeling a little hot and dizzy. Though we did just work out the yard for a while, so who knows. DH was repairing a fencepost, I took the extra concrete and attempted to make a leaf-shaped birdbath. We'll see if it works...
I have had a corned beef in the crock pot all day, and the house smells of yum. I think I'm going to relax and play some Brain Age or Sudoku before dinner.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
IPS, CD 23 7 DPO
I'm still procrastinating on my work project. I just haven't been very good at working from home. I've been a lazy bum! But, I have an ultimatum. If I don't get much of my project done before Sunday, I'm going in to work on Monday. Besides, a coworker left me a book to read. :)
On the TTC front, I've had few IPS to contend with. I had a significant temp drop yesterday (implantation or imagination?) today I have some subtle crampy/pulling feelings in the lower left area of my abdomen. But, I had all of the above last cycle too, so it probably doesn't mean much. The one thing that is markedly different: my nipples aren't sore! They bothered me only for two days whereas last cycle they were a source of agony from ovulation to AF.
Anyway, I've decided upon my first testing date: Sunday. A short three days! I hope I can make it with enough brain intact to perform the test.
Harry Potter is now in the past... I always hate it when a series comes to an end, though I prefer an end to crappy books inspired only by $$. So, I think it ended at the right time. Now, I'm changing gears and tackling some nonfiction. The Brain that Changes Itself. I'm finding it to be quite fascinating!
On the TTC front, I've had few IPS to contend with. I had a significant temp drop yesterday (implantation or imagination?) today I have some subtle crampy/pulling feelings in the lower left area of my abdomen. But, I had all of the above last cycle too, so it probably doesn't mean much. The one thing that is markedly different: my nipples aren't sore! They bothered me only for two days whereas last cycle they were a source of agony from ovulation to AF.
Anyway, I've decided upon my first testing date: Sunday. A short three days! I hope I can make it with enough brain intact to perform the test.
Harry Potter is now in the past... I always hate it when a series comes to an end, though I prefer an end to crappy books inspired only by $$. So, I think it ended at the right time. Now, I'm changing gears and tackling some nonfiction. The Brain that Changes Itself. I'm finding it to be quite fascinating!
Monday, July 21, 2008
CD 20... 4 DPO
So, I'm feeling good about our chances. No real (or imaginary) symptoms -- it would be too early for them anyway. But, I have a general sense of positivity. It is a thin veil over a vast sea of impatience.
Give me a personal issue, or a computer problem. I will have a saint's patience. I will gently explain the difference between right-click and left-click to a new computer user. I will systematically narrow down all of the variables to isolate a computer issue. But, set a day in the future for when something (anything) will happen...? Let's just say I'm not very virtuous under those circumstances.
Ideally, I'd bury myself in my summer project for work to past the next ~8 days until I can reasonably test. (Though, you can bet on me cheating and testing earlier.) But, no, I'm all procrastination on that score. Today wasn't a good day for it, DH and I were just enjoying each other's company way too much. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Until then, I waste time. My favorite timewasters as of late include ... reading the last Harry Potter, spending time with my impatient sisters on the TTC Your First Child forum, looking up pregnancy charts on Fertility Friend, and reading blogs (most related to fertility or lack thereof in some way shape or form). Reading my livejournal friends list, where I post upon exciting topics like how I woke up too early this morning, and what I ate for lunch.
But, I suppose if all goes well, there will be nothing interesting to report for the next week at least.
Give me a personal issue, or a computer problem. I will have a saint's patience. I will gently explain the difference between right-click and left-click to a new computer user. I will systematically narrow down all of the variables to isolate a computer issue. But, set a day in the future for when something (anything) will happen...? Let's just say I'm not very virtuous under those circumstances.
Ideally, I'd bury myself in my summer project for work to past the next ~8 days until I can reasonably test. (Though, you can bet on me cheating and testing earlier.) But, no, I'm all procrastination on that score. Today wasn't a good day for it, DH and I were just enjoying each other's company way too much. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Until then, I waste time. My favorite timewasters as of late include ... reading the last Harry Potter, spending time with my impatient sisters on the TTC Your First Child forum, looking up pregnancy charts on Fertility Friend, and reading blogs (most related to fertility or lack thereof in some way shape or form). Reading my livejournal friends list, where I post upon exciting topics like how I woke up too early this morning, and what I ate for lunch.
But, I suppose if all goes well, there will be nothing interesting to report for the next week at least.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
2ww.... 50/50
When there is one of two possible outcomes in my life, I always interpret my odds as 50/50. Right now of course, either I'm going to be pregnant this cycle or I'm not. I also like to be equally prepared for either outcome. In this case, I'm not sure I'm prepared for either!
Odds are not in my favor for having success right off the bat, but having to go another cycle would be disappointing. Though I do have a plan for things we would do differently (like timing BD on a low sperm count assumption). It would still be a bummer.
Though pregnancy is the outcome I want, I'm not sure I'm prepared for that either! I'm sure it will immediately lead to fears of miscarriage and hopes for the fetus to stick. I'm sure I'll be on pins and needles until my first ultrasound.
So, I'll know which path I'm on in a couple of weeks. In the mean time, there is a flowerbed that has been totally overrun by weeds. Actually, just one type of weed... white cockle. Its going nuts all over the side of the house, crowding out the lily. I should take care of it before it becomes too hot to be outside.
Odds are not in my favor for having success right off the bat, but having to go another cycle would be disappointing. Though I do have a plan for things we would do differently (like timing BD on a low sperm count assumption). It would still be a bummer.
Though pregnancy is the outcome I want, I'm not sure I'm prepared for that either! I'm sure it will immediately lead to fears of miscarriage and hopes for the fetus to stick. I'm sure I'll be on pins and needles until my first ultrasound.
So, I'll know which path I'm on in a couple of weeks. In the mean time, there is a flowerbed that has been totally overrun by weeds. Actually, just one type of weed... white cockle. Its going nuts all over the side of the house, crowding out the lily. I should take care of it before it becomes too hot to be outside.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Woot!
I've been able to relax a bit today, and all is well. Very well.
I'm on CD 16, and I have received my first OPK! :D We also had some fun in the bedroom and my hopes are high. We'll see if I still have a positive OPK tomorrow, and if my temperature shifts. I have not had any O pains yet, but I might not end up having them at all. I kinda hope the window is closing and I get my temp shift tomorrow, because that would mean I get to start my 2ww.
The sooner it starts, the sooner I can have it behind me! Then I'll know what path I'm on... either the pregnancy path or the next cycle in which I will likely be several orders of magnitude more obsessive. But, don't tell DH that, he thinks I've gone off the deep end as it is.
At some point I may have to answer the question... what to rename this blog after the notion has been officially conceived? :)
I'm on CD 16, and I have received my first OPK! :D We also had some fun in the bedroom and my hopes are high. We'll see if I still have a positive OPK tomorrow, and if my temperature shifts. I have not had any O pains yet, but I might not end up having them at all. I kinda hope the window is closing and I get my temp shift tomorrow, because that would mean I get to start my 2ww.
The sooner it starts, the sooner I can have it behind me! Then I'll know what path I'm on... either the pregnancy path or the next cycle in which I will likely be several orders of magnitude more obsessive. But, don't tell DH that, he thinks I've gone off the deep end as it is.
At some point I may have to answer the question... what to rename this blog after the notion has been officially conceived? :)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Stressful much?
Until recently I didn't totally understand how TTC could be stressful or put a strain on a relationship. Now, though I'm nowhere near those who have been in the trenches and would not minimize their experiences for anything, I'm starting to get the smallest inkling of a picture... after not even completing 1 cycle...
I'm sure most of it is my fault for being so tightly wound about this. Part of me wishes I could just let it happen. The other part of me has wanted this /forever/ and yesterday isn't soon enough. Another part of me has an ideal timeline, any deviation from which would be a catastrophe. The latter two parts seem to be overriding the first part.
CD15, my OPKs have all been very light or nonexistent. My CM is creamy at best. We shall see what today holds. Now I'm stressed that being stressed is going to delay ovulation.. Sigh.
Today I will try to just flow and rise above and see how that works.
Last night I had a dream I was breastfeeding my baby.
I'm sure most of it is my fault for being so tightly wound about this. Part of me wishes I could just let it happen. The other part of me has wanted this /forever/ and yesterday isn't soon enough. Another part of me has an ideal timeline, any deviation from which would be a catastrophe. The latter two parts seem to be overriding the first part.
CD15, my OPKs have all been very light or nonexistent. My CM is creamy at best. We shall see what today holds. Now I'm stressed that being stressed is going to delay ovulation.. Sigh.
Today I will try to just flow and rise above and see how that works.
Last night I had a dream I was breastfeeding my baby.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
CD12 Hrmpf
My temperature shot up this morning, I don't know why. It could be because I slept in, didn't sleep very well, drank alcohol yesterday, or because I'm NOT ovulating and will NEVER ovulate! While it is most likely one of the former, of course I'm paranoid about the latter. Hopefully my temp will go back down where it should be tomorrow.
I did use an OPK earlier today and NADA... not even a whisper of a line. So, it will be a couple more days at least, by my slightly educated guess. At least DH now seems convinced that it would be a good idea to save his swimmers for when the pool is ready, so to speak.
Last cycle I O'd on CD16... I'm crossing my fingers!
I did use an OPK earlier today and NADA... not even a whisper of a line. So, it will be a couple more days at least, by my slightly educated guess. At least DH now seems convinced that it would be a good idea to save his swimmers for when the pool is ready, so to speak.
Last cycle I O'd on CD16... I'm crossing my fingers!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
CD11, OPK, Waiting Intensifies
So I used an OPK yesterday, just to see what a negative would look like, and to see if I have any faint lines by default. I do have an extremely faint line, which is good to know. We are probably going to conserve swimmers until I have some good EWCM or a positive leaning OPK.
My temps are in the range they were in last cycle when I ovulated, which is good. So, I wait! Ho hum. I'm really not patient with these kinds of things. My patience is reserved for helping people, and solving nasty computer issues. I have -no- patience with events in my life, and waiting for them to arrive.
Getting out of the house this weekend would probably help! I'm going to go searching for some friends. They must be female, preferably but not necessarily in my age range, with or without kids. They should laugh at my jokes, and have some wit of their own. A shared taste in something would be helpful, be it any of the following: music, movies, computers, games, technology, the environment, natural living, food... Is that too much to hope for?
My temps are in the range they were in last cycle when I ovulated, which is good. So, I wait! Ho hum. I'm really not patient with these kinds of things. My patience is reserved for helping people, and solving nasty computer issues. I have -no- patience with events in my life, and waiting for them to arrive.
Getting out of the house this weekend would probably help! I'm going to go searching for some friends. They must be female, preferably but not necessarily in my age range, with or without kids. They should laugh at my jokes, and have some wit of their own. A shared taste in something would be helpful, be it any of the following: music, movies, computers, games, technology, the environment, natural living, food... Is that too much to hope for?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
OPK T Minus 3 days...
I have 10 precious OPK strips. With that in mind, I have a question for self:
Self, do you want to use the OPKs like water, morning noon and night, as if they will gain you a BFP on the first try and you will never need them again? OR, Self, do you want to use only HALF of the OPKs under the assumption that you will need the other half next month?
Writing these things out really helps me, I made my decision before I'd finished writing the first option. I will indeed use the OPKs at will. Why? Because, I'd feel really silly missing my ovulation window (and not getting pregnant as a result) because I felt an overwhelming need to conserve a few $1 ovulation strips. Also, if I use several and pinpoint my O time pretty well, even if I don't get pregnant I will know my cycle better and I will need to use fewer OPKs in the future.
Besides, its not like I couldn't buy more...
Self, do you want to use the OPKs like water, morning noon and night, as if they will gain you a BFP on the first try and you will never need them again? OR, Self, do you want to use only HALF of the OPKs under the assumption that you will need the other half next month?
Writing these things out really helps me, I made my decision before I'd finished writing the first option. I will indeed use the OPKs at will. Why? Because, I'd feel really silly missing my ovulation window (and not getting pregnant as a result) because I felt an overwhelming need to conserve a few $1 ovulation strips. Also, if I use several and pinpoint my O time pretty well, even if I don't get pregnant I will know my cycle better and I will need to use fewer OPKs in the future.
Besides, its not like I couldn't buy more...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Nothing to see here...
I'm on summer break from work (yes I work in education, no - I'm not a teacher). This is my first official break day and suddenly I'm bored. I feel like a total slug, even though I haven't been.
I woke up, read some stuff on the internets, and went grocery shopping. Then, DH and I played Mario Kart Wii (we love playing online). Next I made lunch for DH and I (ham sandwiches - what am I going to do without deli meats?) and watched some crappy TV. This is when I became restless... DH did some dishes while I vacuumed and swept the ground floor. I swiffered the kitchen too, though what it really needs is a thorough mopping. Now I'm back on the internets.
The house is all closed up because it is presently 88 degrees out and we have NO AC. Maybe I'm just blah at being cooped up. For dinner we may do hot dogs, just because they don't cook long and thus the house heating will be minimal. Later, I hope to go see Wall-E just to beat the heat.
AF is finally gone! Now I get to start checking/waiting/hoping for signs of future ovulation. My first OPK will be around Sunday... four days of waiting until *something*...
I woke up, read some stuff on the internets, and went grocery shopping. Then, DH and I played Mario Kart Wii (we love playing online). Next I made lunch for DH and I (ham sandwiches - what am I going to do without deli meats?) and watched some crappy TV. This is when I became restless... DH did some dishes while I vacuumed and swept the ground floor. I swiffered the kitchen too, though what it really needs is a thorough mopping. Now I'm back on the internets.
The house is all closed up because it is presently 88 degrees out and we have NO AC. Maybe I'm just blah at being cooped up. For dinner we may do hot dogs, just because they don't cook long and thus the house heating will be minimal. Later, I hope to go see Wall-E just to beat the heat.
AF is finally gone! Now I get to start checking/waiting/hoping for signs of future ovulation. My first OPK will be around Sunday... four days of waiting until *something*...
Saturday, July 5, 2008
CD4
I'm in the waiting boat once again. I should ovulate about 12 days from now, give or take. To narrow the window, I ordered some cheap ovulation prediction strips. To increase our odds, I ordered some PreSeed to go along with it. Now, I just need to count days.
I've been reading about how allergy meds tend to dry up the CM. So, instead of taking a pill today I wore a bandana around my mouth and nose while I did some yardwork that would normally send me into catastrophic sneezing fits. So far, so good!
DH is pouring me a glass of wine, and I will continue to count days. I hope they pass by swiftly.
I've been reading about how allergy meds tend to dry up the CM. So, instead of taking a pill today I wore a bandana around my mouth and nose while I did some yardwork that would normally send me into catastrophic sneezing fits. So far, so good!
DH is pouring me a glass of wine, and I will continue to count days. I hope they pass by swiftly.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Well, nevermind...
My pee sticks arrived in the mail yesterday. I spent several hours agonizing over whether I should wait until the next morning to catch the higher hormone concentrations. DH, always playing devil's advocate, urged me to go for it. I'm a sucker and I did.
So I skipped into the bathroom to experience, for the very first time, the joys of uniting urine with stick... Alas, I quickly realized it was moot. While I haven't started my period in full, the cramping and spotting is unmistakable. Thus, I proceeded to down a couple of glasses of wine and an ibuprofen.
I'm of several minds about this. We weren't "scheduled" to get pregnant until next cycle anyway. So, by what rights do I have to be disappointed? I suppose I'm more anxious than disappointed. If I was pregnant already, that (maybe) irrational question: Can I get pregnant? ...would be out of my head for good. Now, it still lingers.
I think DH is more disappointed than I am. He said last night that he's been ready for months. What a sweety!
Positive things about not being pregnant yet:
1. Better timetable (allowing maternity leave to get closer to my summer break)
2. We will get to enjoy some honest to goodness babymaking, take that fundies! ;)
3. Alcohol, deli meats, allergy pills, and occasional caffeine
4. Truthfully being able to tell people I'm not pregnant yet, instead of feeling like I just might be a liar.
So I skipped into the bathroom to experience, for the very first time, the joys of uniting urine with stick... Alas, I quickly realized it was moot. While I haven't started my period in full, the cramping and spotting is unmistakable. Thus, I proceeded to down a couple of glasses of wine and an ibuprofen.
I'm of several minds about this. We weren't "scheduled" to get pregnant until next cycle anyway. So, by what rights do I have to be disappointed? I suppose I'm more anxious than disappointed. If I was pregnant already, that (maybe) irrational question: Can I get pregnant? ...would be out of my head for good. Now, it still lingers.
I think DH is more disappointed than I am. He said last night that he's been ready for months. What a sweety!
Positive things about not being pregnant yet:
1. Better timetable (allowing maternity leave to get closer to my summer break)
2. We will get to enjoy some honest to goodness babymaking, take that fundies! ;)
3. Alcohol, deli meats, allergy pills, and occasional caffeine
4. Truthfully being able to tell people I'm not pregnant yet, instead of feeling like I just might be a liar.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
CD 28 12 DPO
Le Sigh, my pee sticks did not arrive in the mail today. Is it wrong that I get a sense of glee from writing/saying pee sticks???
I was hoping to test tomorrow, when I will be the "lucky" 13 DPO. Its all I can do to avoid using my expired drugstore test... At the store today I almost bought a fresh one, but I managed to beat instant gratification off with a stick (not a pee stick, sadly). So hopefully they will arrive in the mail tomorrow and I'll get to test on Wednesday morning.
A friend recently gave birth at home. I'm so glad everything went well for her and her baby. I'm not going to choose that route for myself, but I think low risk women should have the option. That said, the occasional extremely rare case will encounter a situation requiring NICU/Hospital grade services and equipment in a time frame of moments rather than minutes.
Maybe its my time spent in Special Ed and near the medical industry that leads me toward a more medical model. Maybe I just think that with my luck, I'd be the one struck by lightning and suddenly need high-tech lifesaving intervention. At any rate, I'm not going to put much emphasis on my birth experience if I'm lucky enough to have one.
Its too hot!
I was hoping to test tomorrow, when I will be the "lucky" 13 DPO. Its all I can do to avoid using my expired drugstore test... At the store today I almost bought a fresh one, but I managed to beat instant gratification off with a stick (not a pee stick, sadly). So hopefully they will arrive in the mail tomorrow and I'll get to test on Wednesday morning.
A friend recently gave birth at home. I'm so glad everything went well for her and her baby. I'm not going to choose that route for myself, but I think low risk women should have the option. That said, the occasional extremely rare case will encounter a situation requiring NICU/Hospital grade services and equipment in a time frame of moments rather than minutes.
Maybe its my time spent in Special Ed and near the medical industry that leads me toward a more medical model. Maybe I just think that with my luck, I'd be the one struck by lightning and suddenly need high-tech lifesaving intervention. At any rate, I'm not going to put much emphasis on my birth experience if I'm lucky enough to have one.
Its too hot!
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